Ode to John
by ThatCreepyShipper
Summary: Something happens to the boy Karkat is secretly in love with- John Egbert. Karkat takes the blame for it and as a result really hates himself for it. Will John turn out okay? Either way, will Karkat ever get over the guilt?


This takes place in some highschoolstuck AU where trolls and humans both happen to be on Earth. Yay for logic.

**Pairings: Karkat/John (Red), Karkat/Dave (Pale)  
**

**Warnings: Violence, Self hate, Self Harm, Suicide **

* * *

The mutant-blooded troll sat at his desk, frustrated, upset, and everything in between. No. This can't be. This can't fucking be. He couldn't be gone. Not now. Not like this. He violently slammed his head against his desk, wincing at the pain. This was all his fault. All his fucking fault.

_-Earlier-_

"Karkat!" The blackhaired human boy yelled from across the park, running towards the troll boy. If Karkat were paying attention, he'd have been able to clearly tell that John was upset; but he wasn't. He was too caught up in whatever it was he was reading.

"The fuck do you want, Egbert? In case you can't tell, I'm trying to fucking study here." Was Karkat's response as he sat leaned up against a tree, reading what, as John now looked at it, looked to be a textbook for Chemistry class.

"Oh, sorry." John frowned, his voice growing softer, although quickly, he forced a smile, not really in the mood to be questioned about anything.

"I thought you were reading a romance novel or something. What are you doing studying at the park?"

"I like to come here because it's *usually* quiet." The troll sounded really annoyed as he slammed his textbook shut. "But obviously, it's not going to be quiet again anytime soon, so really, what's the fucking point?" He said with an annoyed sigh, "So tell me, what have you come to bother me about this time, nerd?"

The human boy whimpered quietly, staring down at the ground. "It's nothing, nevermind. I'll just go, and y- you can get back to your s-studying!"

"John, wait-" Karkat couldn't even finish speaking before John ran off.

Karkat could've sworn he had seen tears in John's eyes. Karkat grabbed his textbook as quick as he could possibly manage, shoving it into his backpack, which he strapped on his back, proceeding to run after John. God, Karkat was stupid; he scared off the kid he loved, like he has many times before. He was just such a douche sometimes caught up in his own shit that he never really seemed to take notice of other people's feelings; not even the one person he cared about the most. Having to run as fast as his short little legs could carry him, the young troll soon managed to catch up to John, who had stopped at a pretty busy street.

"J-John..." He barely managed to speak, out of breath. This running was exhausting, especially considering how out of shape he was. "I'm sorry."

The boy with the glasses looked over to the other, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Don't be. It doesn't even matter anymore," He said in such a tone that could make it clear to even a fucking deaf person he wanted to be left alone. But Karkat wasn't going to do that. He wasn't going to leave John like this. John wouldn't do that to him...

Karkat lowered his voice and tried to speak calmly, "John, listen, it does matte-"

Karkat was cut off by John yelling, "It doesn't fucking matter! Nothing matters anymore! Just leave me the fuck alone!"

They both just stood there for a second, until suddenly, without really thinking, John ran out in to the busy street, being hit by one of the cars as it was quickly driving by. Karkat covered his mouth, standing there dumb-struck, shocked, and scared for John's life. The traffic began to die down quickly, due to people noticing that, I don't know, maybe there's a fucking boy in the middle of the road? As soon as possible, Karkat ran out over to John, soon noticing that he was even more hurt than he had thought. Karkat stared down at the human boy, with the broken glasses and broken bones as he lied in a pool of his own blood, and Karkat couldn't help but blame himself, because really, it was his fault.

"John... No..." Karkat's voice was almost a whisper, he could barely even bring himself to speak. Many people from nearby crowded around, staring at Karkat and poor, poor John.

"W-What the fuck is everyone staring at!?" He yelled, or at least he tried to yell, but it came out as more of a high pitched nuisance of words as his voice cracked.

"WOULD ONE OF YOU FUCKING BULDGEHUMPING GOOD-FOR-NOTHING FUCKMUFFINS CALL 911!?" He yelled as loudly as currently deemed possible, not able to stand the pain anymore, and not the staring either.

Oh, the fucking staring. The attention. He didn't want this right now. He noticed that John was still breathing, and was really thankful for that. At least that meant that John was still alive, but still, whether John ended up surviving or not, this still was all Karkat's fault, either way. He burst out into sobs, soon hearing the slight sound of sirens in the distance. Well, at least someone actually listened to him for once. He forced himself to calm down, although he didn't really calm down too much anyways. When John was put in an ambulance, the doctors wouldn't let Karkat come with, leaving him behind in a fit of swearing and, yes, many more tears.  
He returned home after a bit. God, he was so fucking stupid. He couldn't believe himself. He lied down on the floor of his respite block, crying his eyes out. If he'd had only treated John better, perhaps maybe things would've been better right now. Oh wait, scratch that fucking perhaps. They would've absolutely been fucking better, and John would have never gotten hurt in the first place.

A little while later, Karkat made his way over to the hospital to visit John. The doctors gave him the unfortunate news that John was most likely dead, or at least going to die.

"Wow, where the fuck did you get your degree? That is not how you bring that kind of news, you dimwitted douche-nozzle. Oh, what's that? Really low chance of survival? Might already be dead? I'm so sorry? Blah blah blah? Yeah, fuck you! You don't even fucking give a shit about him! All you fucking care about is getting your fucking money, you giant douchebag! You don't actually understand the pain I am fucking going through right now. This nerd right here is the only reason I even wake up in the fucking morning, but you don't even care! You're just like, oh yeah, fork your fucking money over, like way much more than anybody should charge anybody for anything, or I'm not going to do anything about the kid who means more to you than your own fucking life! Okay! Sure, fine!"

Before the doctor could even say a word, Karkat stormed out of the hospital and back to his home once again, and yes, again running into his respiteblock. The mutant-blooded troll sat at his desk, frustrated, upset, and everything in between. He thought about the low chance of John's survival. The fact that he could likely already be dead. No. This can't be. This can't fucking be. He couldn't be gone. Not now. Not like this. He violently slammed his head against his desk, wincing at the pain. This was all his fault. All his fucking fault.

"It's not fair!" He screamed, breaking out into more sobs and resting his head on his desk, crying into it. He stayed like this for a while, until he heard a notification sound come from his phone.

"Whoever you are, why f-fucking now..?" He took a shakey breath, going to check his phone. _This had better be fucking important..._


End file.
